I’m aware that there are many little hurdles or speed bumps that can emerge at this point, so it’s important that we address some of the most common ones. If you don’t feel that the previous sections addressed your situation, your problem will hopefully be covered here.
If not, just remember to address every situation with confidence and let her lead the way toward the new relationship. Those are essential points to keep in mind.
So at this point, you may be wondering…
• What if she’s already dating some other guy?
If she’s dating someone else, you’re obviously not going to be happy about it. However, you cannot show her how you really feel. Don’t ask questions about this “other guy.” Treat him like he’s a non-factor. Tell her, “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy for you.” And then change the subject and talk to her about something else. Ask her how her one of her friends is doing. Ask about one of her family members. These types of questions reinforce in her mind that YOU are the one guy who not only knows her, but also knows the people who matter to her. The “new guy” she’s supposedly dating doesn’t share this level of closeness with her.
Also remember that she agreed to meet with you because she wants to be around you. If you’ve heard that she is dating some other guy, or she mentions that she is, there’s a good chance that she’s only doing it to get your attention and get under your skin. Don’t take the bait.
You are not there to listen to her gush about her relationship, or to give her advice on her love life. You may be tempted to ask questions about this “other guy” and badmouth him, but don’t do it. You’re above that.
If she asks you whether you’ve been dating anyone, feel free to mention that you met a really cool girl recently, or that you’ve been going out and meeting some cool new people. Don’t get into any specifics. But no matter what, you have to control your reaction when she talks about spending time with another guy. Don’t give her the attention she is undoubtedly looking for, and don’t beg her to dump him and take you back. Change the subject—preferably to some of the positive things you’ve been up to lately.
After the meeting, resume No Contact. You can’t reward her decision to date someone else by staying in touch with her and acting like her friend. That just tells her that she can string you along by having a boyfriend and shoving it in your face. Let her initiate contact again, and if she does, go with another meeting like before.
You’ll have to stick with this strategy until she ditches the boyfriend and is ready to start over with you. Use your common sense here; if she seems to be happy with the new guy and wants to keep meeting up, push her away a bit by being unavailable to meet for a while. The thing you cannot do is be her friend. Don’t get stuck in the Friend Zone!
• What if she just wants to argue and re-hash our old problems?
Getting into an argument about the problems you had in your relationship is not going to help you get back together with her. If she’s acting this way, don’t positively reinforce her behavior. Change the subject and tell her that you do not want to revisit past arguments. If that doesn’t work, end the meeting if you must. This is a power move, and will show her that you’re not going to put up with that type of behavior.
Afterward, go back to No Contact. She will call you again, and it’s very likely that she will drop the old stuff next time and not behave that way when you meet again.
Ideally, you will find your old chemistry with your ex within a very short amount of time, and you will likely both be glad to see one another. You’ll probably feel good just to be in one another’s company. However, it’s important not to get caught up in nostalgia. Remember that you are both better off if you make this second try more like a first try.
You don’t have to rush things. Taking a relaxed, natural approach is best. If things move somewhat quickly, it’s not necessarily bad…as long as it’s what you both want. Think about how you want things to go before you actually meet, and stick to your decision no matter how the meeting goes. You don’t want to leave your reunion feeling like you made a mistake by taking things too fast. Besides, moving too fast can lead to a disappointing relationship, anyway. You need to go at least somewhat slow to ensure that you don’t simply continue your last attempt at a relationship with your ex.
While you can certainly talk about the past, you should make it clear (if the subject of giving things another try comes up) that you do not want to live in the past, nor rehash everything that happened before. Make it clear that while you want to avoid the things that bothered each of you before, you want to learn from those mistakes, not dwell on them or use them as fodder for yet another crop of useless arguments.