The “No Contact Rule” After The Break Up

The “No Contact” Period

Hopefully I’ve sufficiently convinced you that even though it isn’t easy, you must maintain a distance from your ex-girlfriend for the time being. Remember, even though your girlfriend broke up with you, she is used to getting your attention. She craves it, even. You may be saying to yourself, “If she craves my attention, why did she break up with me?”

Well, because she was probably getting too much of it. When you first quit something you’ve grown accustomed to (or gotten addicted to), you may feel strong and committed to your decision at first—but when that supply is suddenly cut off and you see what life is like without that thing you were used to, you realize how much you miss it…or crave it.

What we’re going to do is give your ex-girlfriend the chance to miss (and crave) you.

There are some steps that you will need to follow in order to make this process easier. At first glance, some of these guidelines may seem to be very difficult to put into place, but once you have followed these rules, you will find that staying away from your ex-girlfriend for a while is much easier to do.

I suggest 30 days of no contact with your ex. This gives you enough time to work on yourself and demonstrate to her that you’re moving on with your life without her, but it’s not enough time for her to meet someone new and get serious with them.

There are other reasons why 30 days is our “magic number.” Studies have shown that after around three weeks, your brain starts to “reset.” The emotions you’re feeling right now towards your ex will cool off. And in my experience, having talked to a lot of people who’ve gone through breakups, the three-week mark is when a woman misses her ex most strongly. Even if she’s the one who broke up with you, at this point in time her negative feelings about you, and your past relationship, will have probably subsided—and now she’s likely to be thinking about you, wondering what you’ve been up to, and perhaps regretting the breakup.

And there’s one more important reason why you should avoid contact with her for the next month: because women often use their ex-boyfriends as an “emotional crutch” to help them get through the breakup. I’ve heard many stories of women who decide to break up with their boyfriends, but say they want to “stay friends”—and then, instead of moving on with their lives, they lean on their ex-boyfriends for emotional support.

She might want to call you to vent about some jerk she went on a couple of dates with.

She might want to keep in touch with you on Facebook—supposedly out of “friendship,” but really because she wants to snoop around and see if you’ve met any new women.

She might be second-guessing her decision to break up with you, and she wants to talk to you to help her sort out her feelings and figure out if maybe she should get back together with you.

The bottom line is, if you want to successfully re-attract her and launch a “new” relationship with her, you cannot allow yourself to play this game.

For these reasons, the 30-day mark is likely the best time for you to re-establish contact with her and start re-attracting her back towards you.

Remember, even if she reaches out to you a few days after breaking up with you, and wants to talk about working things out, you will not have a healthy “new” relationship with her if you give her what she’s asking for and jump right back into it. The same core problems will remain. The reasons why she broke up with you will still be fresh in her mind. When you quickly jump back in, there is a high probability that she’ll want to break up with you again in the near future—and during the time that you’re back together, it won’t be much fun for either of you. The same old fights and problems will just pick up where they left off.