Question and Answer #5

Mr. Cortez,

You and The Negotiator are my heroes! Seriously, you guys are amazing. I’m reading your stuff and it’s like you know exactly what to do with women ALL THE TIME! I feel like I know plenty now as well, but there’s one “sticking point” I still can’t get past.

I have serious anxiety when it comes to approaching people I don’t know for the first time. It’s not even just women, but men and others in different situations- job interviews, for example. Obviously, this is a big deal and I want to use your tactics, but I don’t know how because the fear and anxiety is so strong.

Please help,

Dean Cortez’s Answer

First of all, BJ, no need for the formality. We’re all friends here! Call me Dean.

Don’t think that myself, The Negotiator, or anyone else out there doesn’t know how it feels to be nervous. When that nervousness practically cripples you or makes you feel unable to move, like you’re encased in ice, that’s a problem.

You may think that you’re having a problem with just your nerves, but the issue is really one of focus. You already ARE focusing, but on the wrong things. You’re thinking
of the bad outcomes, you’re wondering what you’re going to say, and you’re forecasting the future (and probably in a very pessimistic way) instead of going with the flow.

Instead, focus on positive things. Focus on how attractive YOU are to other people, because in M.A.C.K. Tactics you’ve learned how to identity and showcase your positive qualities. Have confidence and you will start to focus on how excited you are to have her as part of your life — and how fortunate SHE is to have a guy like you
giving her your time.

Remember, since we want you to limit your availability to women the first time you talk to them, you will only be talking for a few moments at first, anyway. Focus on how you are going to do everything you need to do for the next few minutes, and nothing else.

Also, brush up on the earlier parts of M.A.C.K. Tactics, especially regarding your self confidence and how you view yourself. Once you have more confidence, you will feel some of that anxiety go away. Remember to meet lots of women, too! With enough repetition, anything can start to feel casual.