Dean, I am 45 years old. For the last several months I’ve had an on-again, off-again thing with a woman who is only 29. The problem is that lately, we’ve been more “off” than on after she told me she’d rather be friends for now. She’s even tried to date other guys, though nothing has come of it.
Now, I’m in my mid-40’s, but I’m not an “old guy.” I have a full head of (non-gray) hair, I work out a lot, and I’m in better shape than most 25-year olds. Hell, when we first met she even said she thought I was in my mid-30’s! I live a very similar lifestyle to her- I go out a lot, have drinks, and do active things on the weekend.
She tells me that the problem is our age difference. She’s afraid we’ll want different things and that we are living different lives. How can I convince her that she should be more than friends with me, and that the age gap isn’t that big of a deal?
Dean Cortez’s Answer:
I don’t think that your age IS the problem.
It sucks to hear, but you’re simply stuck in the friend zone. She knew that you were 44 when you were actually dating, right? And now, all of a sudden, it’s a huge problem? I don’t buy it.
The problem is that when women put a guy in the friend zone they always come up with a simple reason to explain it. You’re too old, she has too much going on in her life, she needs some space, you want different things, and so on. But that’s never the actual problem.
I’m guessing that the problem here may be a matter of commitment or your approach. Either way, there’s a simple solution.
You have to stay away from her for awhile. Don’t let her have you as a friend unless she’s going to also give you what YOU want. Let her initiate contact, and don’t return interest until she wants what you do. Let her miss you.
Then, when you do start talking again a month or two down the line, make sure you are using the Tactics used in my system. That’s the only way to get a new start here.