Push and Pull Theory
There is an important, simple theory that explains why you need to stay away from your ex-girlfriend for a while. It’s called the “push and pull theory” and it makes a lot of sense. Understanding this will help you to not only get your girlfriend back, but also perhaps gain some insight into the reasons you are not together right now.
The theory has to do with two separate actions:
- The “push” means you push the other person away. This could mean everything from showing disinterest and not showing affection, to taking time to be by yourself, or going to do something with your friends (instead of watching a chick flick marathon on the couch with your girlfriend). You don’t have to literally push your girlfriend away; really, a simple “lack of pull” can be as good as a push.
- The “pull” means that you pull the person toward you. You show interest, you give affection, you demand time and/or attention. You spend time with them, etc. You may be thinking to yourself, “Those aren’t bad things!” Well, they’re aren’t necessarily bad. But if you pull all the time, your girlfriend may eventually lose interest in you and push you away.
Push and pull theory becomes extremely important in the event of a breakup. When someone breaks up with you, that’s about as big of a “push” as you can get. If you respond to that very strong push by trying to pull her toward you with equal force, you may lose her interest forever. What you must do instead is spend some time apart.
Think of it as a “tug of war,” only imagine that it’s one where you must trick your opponent into winning. If you stop pulling for a while, they will begin pulling you instead. Eventually, you can get back to a state of equilibrium where things are even again, and as you spend more and more time apart and exhibit more of the qualities we talked about earlier, your ex-girlfriend’s interest will grow and she will pull you back even harder. That’s exactly what we want.
It goes even further than that, actually. Think of the things you’ve wanted most in your life. Were they easy to attain? Did you get them right away? Did they practically force themselves on you, or did you have to earn them? Do you want something more when it involves a challenge, or what it is something you can have or do anytime? Think about your answers, and think about how they apply to you and your ex-girlfriend.