Meeting Up

Meeting Up

meeting upOK, so assuming you’re not in a long-distance relationship, arranging this “casual meetup” shouldn’t be too hard at this point. You can meet at a coffee shop, have a light dinner, or anything else that you’ll both feel comfortable with. Just remember: you pick the place and time.

Why is this important? Because this is how you’re going to introduce her to the “upgraded 2.0 version” of you. This is not a wimpy, needy you that is going to let her set the parameters, and you blindly go along with whatever she wants.

You want to show her that you can, and will, take charge. This is a character trait that she wants to see from you, and it will go a long way toward establishing the confident attitude that you want her to notice.

A few pointers on this first “post breakup” meetup:

Dress well. Women love it when a guy dresses up. If you’re normally a shorts-and-tee-shirt kind of guy, at least throw on a collared shirt and a pair of nice jeans. If you show up dressed a lot better than you did when you were dating her, you can explain your appearance by telling her that you’ve got a “meeting” or an “appointment” to go to afterwards. You don’t need to give details. (This also gives you a reason to keep the meetup brief—one hour or less—and I’ll explain why this is important in a moment.)

You want to look your best, from head to toe. Get a haircut. Shave. And if you used to wear a certain cologne that your ex loved, now’s the time to splash some on.

When you greet her, give her a hug. No awkward handshakes. This isn’t a business meeting! This hug will erase a lot of the awkwardness and tension right off the bat. And smile. Remember: positive and upbeat. You should give her every indication that your life has been going awesome.

If the subject of the breakup comes up (you should never bring it up, but she might), just remind her that you’ve accepted it, and you aren’t dwelling on it. Tell her that you’re focused on the present. This is a strong signal to her that you’ve changed during your time away from her—you’re more mature, more self-assured, and you’ve got a life apart from the relationship you had with her.

If she insists on talking about the relationship, it’s your job to LISTEN. She may have been waiting for this meetup to express some things that she never said when you were together. But whatever direction she takes the conversation in, don’t get drawn into an argument.

If she starts trying to explain her decision to break up with you, tell her that you appreciate the way she feels and you understand why she made that decision. Don’t get defensive. Look at this as an opportunity for you to see things from her perspective, and to make her appreciate you as a sensible, mature, understanding guy who has changed and improved since the last time she saw you.

Now, I do need you to prepare you for one unpleasant possibility: she might tell you that she’s now in a relationship with someone else, or that she has started dating someone. Look at this as a test. (Women test men all the time.) She might be feeling you out to see how you’ll react. It’s doubtful that she actually fell in love with some dude since the last time you saw her. This means you shouldn’t look away, frown, or start fidgeting. Keep eye contact, and act like you’re happy for her.

Remember, up until now, you haven’t given her an indication that your mission is to get her back. You’ve framed this as a casual, friendly meetup, right? And know that even if she really is dating someone else, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have feelings for you. She has a level of comfort with you that no guy could have possibly replaced over the past few weeks.

Keep the spotlight on HER. Ask her how she’s been doing, and bring up topics that he’ll enjoy discussing—perhaps ask her about his work, her friends, family, etc. By doing this, you’re showing interest in her and his world, and you’re also reminding her of the closeness the two of you share. You know the people and subjects in her life that matter to her. This alone gives you a huge edge over any other guy she’s met recently.

Keep the meetup brief—less than one hour. Remember the old rule of showbiz: “Leave ‘em wanting more.” You should be the one who gracefully ends this meetup, by telling her you’ve got somewhere to be (your “appointment,”) or that you need to get home because you’ve got a big day tomorrow, etc. You never want to drag it out the point where she’s checking her phone and getting restless. Also, the longer you drag out this meetup, the greater the chance that you’ll lose your cool and start getting overly emotional towards her.

Expect HER to want to see YOU again. Don’t suggest meeting up again. Let her make the first move. And if she does suggest getting together again soon, you can playfully tease her. Tell him, “Hmmm, I’ll have to think about it. Maybe if you’re good.” Or, “We’ll see, my schedule is super busy this week…call me and we’ll see if we can figure something out.”

Make her work a little for it. Be confident that she’ll text you, or send you a message on Facebook, soon.

Remember that playful teasing is one of the keys to attracting (or re-attracting) a woman. Playing a little bit “hard to get’ can have a powerful effect. If she suggests meeting up on Tuesday night, tell her you’ve already for plans on Tuesday (never say what these plans are), but you’ll contact her later in the week to figure something out. You might be amazed by how quickly a woman will shift into “pursuit mode” when you make her jump through a hoop or two to spend time with you.

If the possibility of getting back together comes up during the meetup, play it cool. After all, you’re a confident guy with a lot going for you. Give the impression that you may be interested, but don’t jump at the chance. No matter how much you may want to, don’t jump out of your chair. At the same time, you don’t want to come off as a jerk without any feelings for her whatsoever. The bottom line is, don’t give her the impression that you’ve been hoping and praying that this moment would come.

Again, this is about the “push and pull” theory. Even though things are now heading in the right direction, if you pull too much—this early into the reconciliation—she will likely start pushing you away before you know it. At this moment in time, she wants you back, but this can quickly change. You’ve been patient so far. Continue to be patient, and you will be rewarded.

There is a good chance that one meeting will not be enough to get things back to where they should be. Just because you can get back together with your ex in the first meeting doesn’t necessarily mean that you should.

Does it feel right? Does she seem ready? Do you think she’ll truly be able to forgive and forget? You’ve worked hard so far; make sure not to ruin it due to impatience.

In all of your meetings with her, make sure she is the one leading the way towards a reconciliation and a fresh start. Respond to her interest slowly and gradually, rather than pushing ahead yourself. Let her “pull” you instead of the other way around. At this point, you have her where you want her. Don’t mess it up. You want to re-start your relationship with her seeing you as a confident, high-value guy— not as a lonely, desperate and lost without her.