If She Tries To Reach Out To You…
If your ex reaches out to you during this No Contact period—whether it’s with a text message, a call, or a message on Facebook—you may respond. You don’t want to be rude. The key is to keep your response upbeat, positive and brief. (“I’m doing really great, going skiing this weekend with friends. Hope you’re well.”) Keep it at that.
Remember, even if shortly after the breakup she starts showing signs that she regrets leaving you and wants to possibly give things another chance, it’s too soon for you to take this step. I know you’ll be tempted to, but just know that if you do, you won’t get a “new” relationship with her. You’ll simply pick up where you left off, in a dysfunctional relationship that she wasn’t satisfied with. It will only be a matter of time before the same problems start coming up again, and she’s likely to break up with you again—the difference being, this time it could be final and irreversible.
You need to use this No Contact period to prove to her that you’re not a needy wuss who can’t function without her. And during this time, you’re going to work on “upgrading” yourself so that when you do see her again, she’ll be surprised at how much more confident and in control of your emotions you are.
During this No Contact phase, you can’t allow yourself to sit around dwelling on the great times you had with her, wondering what she’s doing, or staring at old pictures while getting all teary-eyed. Doing so will just be torture, and will encourage you to do the wrong things (texting her needy messages, drunk-dialing her, etc). These steps will make it easier for you to follow the rest of my strategy for eventually winning your ex back.
You can also use her natural sense of jealousy against her. You can do this by getting out there, enjoying your life, and having fun. In other words, date other women.
This may seem counter-productive, but believe me, it is not. Remember, she’s the one who made the decision to end the relationship. Whatever the specifics of your situation are, since she’s the one choosing (for now) not to be with you, you have no moral or other obligation to “wait for her,” “stay true to her,” or anything else.
To put it another way, there have to be consequences. If she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend, you’re going to date (or at least hang out with) other women, and she will have to deal with it. Those are the consequences, and she needs to understand that. If that point is not driven home, why should she feel any urgency about wanting you back?
In the next chapter, I’ll give you some tactics which you can use to get out there and start meeting new women. This is important for restoring your confidence, and when your ex finds out that you’re seeing other women it’s going to trigger feelings of jealousy (and hopefully regret).
One simple truth about women is that they’re attracted to men who other women find attractive. I realize that if you’re missing your ex like crazy right now, dating someone new probably isn’t high on your list of priorities. You may have no interest whatsoever in dressing up and heading out to flirt with other women. But by doing so, you’re going increase your chances of getting your ex back when the No Contact period ends. And in the next chapter, I’m going to give you some simple tools and strategies for meeting women and engaging them in fun, interesting conversations that make them want to know you.
Whether you want to get romantic or sexual with these other women is up to you. The important thing is that you get out there, start socializing, and remind yourself that you do have other options. One of the most crippling beliefs that many guys have after a breakup is that they’ll “never do any better” than their ex, or that they’re doomed to a life of celibacy and loneliness if they don’t get that one girl back.
Before we continue, I want to reiterate what I said earlier about not allowing your ex to use you as an “emotional crutch.” The last thing you want to do is allow her to place you in the dreaded “friend zone,” where you console her every time she gets emotional about something, or even “cuddle” with her (shudder) in a non-sexual way to help her through the breakup. If you’re going to give her this, why should she get back with you? You’re already giving her the emotional and physical contact that she needs from you, so why should she willingly re-enter into a romantic relationship with you?