As I said before, getting out there and being social is one of the best ways to build your self-confidence, remind you of the fact that you’re a fun, attractive guy, and get you out of the house so that you’re not spending your Friday nights moping around at home or checking your ex’s Facebook profile every five minutes.
Additionally, you want your ex to realize that you’re out there on the scene, meeting (and possibly dating) new women. This is a powerful component of the Negative Emotion Neutralizer method.
This section is going to focus heavily on using Facebook to plant positive thoughts of you in your ex’s mind and erase negative memories. I’m going to assume that you have a Facebook profile and use it somewhat regularly, and that your ex is on there, too. (At this point, pretty much every female I know is an avid Facebook user.)
Here’s the first step: when you’re out socializing with friends or enjoying fun activities, take pictures. Get some shots of you and your friends having a good time. And be sure to get some shots of you with attractive women. (If necessary, at a bar you can always ask to take a picture with a pretty waitress.)
This technique is about building Social Proof. The people in these pictures, who obviously enjoy hanging out with you, are “vouching” for you in a sense. The idea is for your ex to see these pictures, and see that you’re getting out with friends and enjoying yourself. By including some “new women” in these pictures (even if’s just a pretty girl you met five minutes ago and grab a picture with), you’ll also trigger feelings of jealousy.
Then you post some of these pictures on your Facebook profile. Write captions for the pictures that emphasize how much fun you had. For example, “Me and Jenna at Blue Martini on Saturday night. Don’t let her innocent looks fool you, she parties like a rock star…”
The captions should be somewhat ambiguous. Let your ex draw her own conclusions about who this woman is. Is she your new girlfriend? Your new lover? Just a friend? She’ll be wondering.
If clubs and bars aren’t your scene, these pictures can show you enjoying any type of activity with an attractive woman. I once had a student named Matt who was in the midst of his 30 Day No Contact period with his ex. He met a cute girl named Tiffany while he was walking his dog at the park. They chatted, and he realized this was an opportunity for him to grab a picture of him with a girl that he could post on Facebook to catch his ex’s attention. So he told her, “You look so much like my friend Kate. You two could pass as sisters. Let me take a picture of you, I want to show Kate.” And then he whipped out his iPhone and took a picture of the two of them standing together in the park, smiling.
Matt then posted it on his Facebook profile with the simple caption, “Me and Tiff at the park on Sunday. Great day.”
He never saw Tiffany again—but his ex-girlfriend sent him a snarky text that night: “Saw your Facebook pic. Looks like you’re having fun being single!!”
Matt called me for some advice on how to respond. He texted back to her: “Good to hear from you, I’m doing great. Hope you are well.”
She fired back another text: “So who is Tiffany? Are you dating her?”
Mark didn’t send a response. He waited until the 30 Day No Contact period was over. Then he sent her a message to re-initiate contact with her (as I’ll show you how to do a bit later), immediately got her to agree to meet him, and wound up winning her back.
If you aren’t the type of guy who can easily strike up conversations with women, fake it! Take a picture with a woman you randomly meet during one of your nights out, and post it on your Facebook profile. Or ask a cute waitress to take a picture with you.
You can even tell her, “Can I grab a picture with you? My ex-girlfriend is going to see it, so make me look like a rock star, okay?” I’ve found that women are usually happy to oblige. They’ll cuddle up close to you and look at the camera seductively. Perfect!
Then when you post it on Facebook, write a caption that suggests you know her better than you actually do (i.e. “My friend Jenn from Murphy’s Pub. Awesome live music on Friday nights!”)
This might sound a bit sneaky, but hey, you purchased this guide because you want to get your ex back. And this tactic works. When you even hint to your ex that you’re back on the dating scene (and having success), she’ll experience the fear of loss. She’ll think about your attractive qualities—the qualities that other women are now appreciating. She’ll also probably start questioning herself: “If he can find another date so easily, maybe I’m easy to replace!”
When these types of thoughts begin to churn around inside her head, it makes her a lot more open to the idea of talking to you again—and maybe giving things another try.
As far as actually dating some of these new women you’ll be meeting, I say “why not?” You don’t need to plunge into a new relationship if you don’t want to. It’s perfectly okay to work the steps of the Negative Emotion Neutralizer method, while also enjoying some casual, fun dates with cool new women. And it will probably make you feel less pressure to be “successful” on your dates, because your main goal is still to get your ex back.