Exception 2: You Work or Go to School Together

Exception 2: You Work or Go to School Together

In these situations, your amount of contact could vary wildly, based upon the circumstances. If you work or go to school together, but only see each other in passing, then it’s not a big deal. You can say “hi” if you walk by her, but otherwise you need to refrain from contact. End conversations that she starts quickly and amicably. It should always seem to her like you’ve got something else (or someone else) you need to  attend to. You don’t have time for long conversations with her. You must present yourself as a person who has other places to be, and people to see—you’re not just simply waiting around for her to change her mind.

If you work closely with her at your job, or in a class (say, for a group project that was already assigned before the breakup), your conduct should be much be like what we described in the section about living together. Be friendly, funny and confident, but don’t act like her “best friend.” Leave her wanting more.

Remember, if you give her your friendship, your free time, or even your physical affection, she will not have an incentive to get back together with you.

Exception 3: You Have Children Together

In this case, treat your interactions much like in the example above. You will obviously have to talk with her to discuss arrangements with the kids (i.e. when you or she will be picking them up, dates and times for school events, etc.), but do not offer her more contact than that.

Again, be pleasant in your interactions with her and project a confident, carefree attitude that suggests you are happy and have already moved on, but don’t give her extra time or attention.

In other words, don’t call her for reasons that have nothing to do with the children. Also try to avoid arguments involving the kids, as you don’t want to give her more reasons to stay apart. It doesn’t matter if you argue about why you broke up, or about arrangements for one of you to see the kids; arguing is only going to make her not want to get back together with you. Furthermore, it’s way too easy for disagreements over the kids to get redirected into angry, emotional discussions about old relationship issues.