Here is a fact, most folks are too accessible. Think about the things you seek to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht.
The fact is the things we most want or wish in life are often the least available. Things are seen to be meaningful because they are uncommon.
Rarity is the crucial ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
When you date, stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stops being accessible 24 hours a day and start being indescribable and mysterious.
Why? Produce the need and then remove it and the craving factor go through the roof.
The problem with following this transitory piece of advice is that it is tremendously tough for mere mortals to do. When we meet someone we truly like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, and our waking hours are devoted to our next meeting.
The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we denigrate our own appeal, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train ourselves to be unfathomable, indefinable and stop being so accessible. A friend of mine worked in a bar and was always enticing girls but he never seemed to get anywhere after the first couple of dates.
He is an attractive guy and probably one of the most dependable men I have ever met. He wanted to know why women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling so we executed an experiment. He was asked not to call the women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase.
They would leave messages, he didn’t reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never presented to make new arrangements first though he sustained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the girls were now chasing him!
The point here was that he had become obscure, he had an air of mystery now, and he was someone the girls sought to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on several instances that I have let myself become too accessible. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful girl whilst working and it seemed to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together.
Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too accessible for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had changed my routine too soon, too rapidly and too much for things to work out.
When you meet a woman you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your consistent agenda and don’t be accessible every day. If you are free both days during the weekend, one is for you; one is for your date at first. If you are free Wednesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Wednesday, you suggest Thursday.
Don’t call so regularly (which is extremely hard to do) and don’t always answer your phone (yes really). Make sure that you can bring plenty of distinct activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the foolish forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more remarkable.
For many of you reading this you will think I am silly or have hesitations about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won’t listen when you meet the person you are wild about.
The fact is, the less accessible you are to a degree, the more probable you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult as top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor – that’s the way it works.