Contain Your Emotions
Though emotions like anger and sadness are very different, and have very different effects, they all have one important thing in common: they make you do stupid things.
If you give in to your anger, you will do something dumb. If you give in to your sadness, you will do something dumb. It’s just a fact of life. And that’s not all. There is another thing that anger and sadness have in common: they aren’t very attractive.
The absolute worst thing that you can do right now is to give in to your anger and sadness and let them fuel you, and allow them to make you do something stupid. If you were to call your ex and explode on her, asking her how she could do this to you, would it feel good? Maybe for a few minutes. But will it help you get her back? Not a chance.
If you were to call your ex up, crying hysterically and begging her to take you back, would it actually convince her to give you another chance? If it was you that had initiated the breakup, would you respect your ex more if she called you while she was a crying mess? Definitely not.
These are just basic examples, but they underscore a much larger point, which is that you can’t let your emotions dictate your actions—especially in the critical period immediately following a breakup. It may be hard to maintain self-control, but make no mistake about it: if you don’t contain your emotions, you will not win your ex back. Period.
There is a very important distinction to make before we get started, and it’s something you may have not even noticed. A lot of people will tell you to “control” your emotions. That’s crazy talk. What you need to do is something else entirely.
You need to contain your emotions, not control them.
The fact is, you can’t really “control” your emotions, and anybody who tells you otherwise is just plain wrong. You can’t repress them, either—at least not without dire consequences. The goal with this process is to get you back together with your ex, and starting fresh. If you bring a bunch of baggage into the relationship once you get her back, you will end up right back where you are now. What’s the best way to do that? By repressing all that anger you are feeling now, only to throw it back in her face later on during an argument or disagreement.
When Michael Jordan was tearing up the NBA back in the 90s, opposing coaches would talk about how “you can’t hope to stop him, you can only hope to contain him.” Jordan was such a force of nature on the court that there was simply no way you could keep him from having an impact on the game. Instead, the smartest thing to do was to try to limit the damage he caused, and keep him from making your objective—winning the game—an impossible one.