Consider The Following Conversation

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Consider the following conversation:

LISA: “I just heard my uncle is in the hospital. It sounds like he’s really sick.”
JOHN: “I’m sorry to hear about that, honey. How’s your aunt handling it? You should call her.”
LISA: “Didn’t you hear me? I just said he was sick. It’s got nothing to do with her. My God, he could die soon!” (The tears start flowing.)
JOHN: “Don’t take it out on me! I’m just trying to help, that’s all.”
LISA: “Oh, never mind. Why do I bother…”

Now, here’s the more emotionally intelligent Alpha method of handling the situation:

LISA: “I just heard that my uncle is in the hospital. It sounds like he’s really sick.”
JOHN: “I’m sorry to hear about that, honey. How’s your Aunt handling it?”
LISA: “Didn’t you hear me? I just said he was sick. It’s got nothing to do with her. My God, he could die soon!” (Cue the tears.)
JOHN: (Nods with sympathy) “I’m so sorry.” He hugs her. “How are you doing?”
LISA: “I’m really upset, but I’ll be okay. I suppose I should call my aunt to see how she’s doing…”
JOHN: “That’s a good idea. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Do you see the subtle but huge difference in how these situations were handled?

The big rule about emotions is this: NEVER react to a woman’s emotions with your own emotions.

Reaction is a place of weakness and no self-control. Women pick up on this and sense it. When you start reacting, she starts acting more emotional because she’s not getting what she really needs from a man: consistency.

You must be someone that she can feel safe expressing herself around, whom she knows will provide a stable point of reference for her own feelings. When the Alpha Man kept his cool in the second example, Lisa was able to reach the same conclusion that John tried to get her to realize. He “surfed” her emotions without reacting to them.

To be the “Shoreline,” that steady place for her emotional waves to break, you must be confident. Once you understand how a woman works, and your best strategies to manage the situations she will throw at you, you will find new levels confidence and resolve. You will not give in to a woman’s emotional pressure, no matter how inexplicable her behavior might seem.

Here’s another example:

LISA: “I might be a little late getting to the movie tonight. I’ve got a nail appointment at 6:00.”
NEEDY JOHN: “Well, it starts at 7:00. That’s cutting it kind of close. Do you want to go see a later show?”
LISA: “Yeah, sure. That might be better. What else is playing?”
NEEDY JOHN: “There’s that new movie with Bruce Willis…”
LISA: “I saw the commercial, it looks kinda stupid.”
NEEDY JOHN: “Well, there’s that new comedy with Ben Stiller…”
LISA: (Looking decidedly uninterested) “Yeah, I guess…”

Compare that scenario with this one:

LISA: “I might be a little late getting to the movie tonight. I’ve got a nail appointment at 6:00.”
ALPHA JOHN: “Well, the show starts at 7:00. That’s cutting it kind of close.” (He waits out the silence.)
LISA: “I know, but I don’t think I can make it any earlier.”
ALPHA JOHN: “I’m really set on seeing that movie, so it would probably be a good idea to reschedule your nail appointment. We’ve had this movie night planned since the weekend.”
LISA: “Yeah… I suppose I could.” (Her tone is a little pouty and bummed out.)
ALPHA JOHN: “I don’t have another night this week that I can go see this, but if you’d rather spend the evening with your manicurist, I’ll find someone else to come along.”
LISA: “No, don’t do that. I can reschedule the appointment. There should be slots open on Friday.”
ALPHA JOHN: “Good call. I’ll see you at 6:30.”

Do you see the difference here?

Give Lisa an inch of string, and she’ll take a yard. In the first example, the fact that John didn’t put up any resistance to her sudden change of plans is what triggered her emotional reaction and put her in a lousy mood. He thought he was just being accommodating to her schedule, but Lisa’s female instincts were telling her: “Why is he letting me get away with this? I wish he would show some backbone.”

A woman needs to know that her man can make a decision and has the strength to stick with it. How safe can a woman really feel in a relationship, if she thinks her emotional currents are going to rule every decision?

Note that the Alpha Man was not moved by Lisa’s emotional waves. He was steadfast in his resolve, which told Lisa she could now feel better about changing her appointment rather than losing out on the opportunity of being with him. Lisa also recognized the fact that she was dealing with a man who refused to play the pushover. As a result, her attraction to him was increased.

What it all boils down to in an Alpha Man’s life is one thing: CERTAINTY.

An Alpha Man knows where he’s going. He knows what he wants from life. He knows what his goals are. He knows what he will and will not accept from women. He knows that he is a force to be reckoned with. This attitude sets him apart from most other guys, who rarely have any plans beyond next weekend.

So how does a man go about gaining that certainty he needs?

We recommend this:

Take out a sheet of paper, or fire up your word processing program (yes, right now), and write down your 10 core values. These can be anything from “I am a kind, compassionate person,” to “I will never betray my friends,” to “I will never be with a woman who mistreats or disrespects me.” Treat these as rules as your personal “code of conduct” from now on, and do not deviate from them. This will help create a sense of certainty about who you are and what you stand for.

Feel free to take this list past 10 if you need to. (In fact, a great deal of self-discovery will often occur once you go past the first ten values you can think of. Push yourself into discomfort and you’ll find more realization and discovery.)

When you’re done with this list, make a second list of the essential traits for the woman you want in your life. Don’t just list the physical traits, because the honest truth is that in 30 or 40 years, most women will look about the same. What will keep you with a woman is her personality and her disposition. What are her values? Will she be flexible, or will she give you grief over every little point of contention?

When you’ve completed these two exercises you’ll have done something that less than 2% of all men ever do: you’ll have stated WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU WANT.

You’ll have drawn a line in the sand between the old Beta Guy you once were, and the awesome Alpha Man you are about to become. You’ll find that a powerful side effect will happen as a result: by setting these values down in writing, and using them as your personal guidelines from now on, you’ll make yourself a lot more attractive.

Maybe not to every woman, but to the ones that count.

DO IT NOW:

  • Create your list of values
  • Begin to observe your own levels of fear and dread, and manage them
  • Observe conversations between men and women, and see where guys are reactive rather than consistent and certain
  • Accept that you’ve got a limited amount of time here, and all you have is yourself to work on
  • Create a list of 10 things that you’d rather not deal with, even though you know should. (Asking a girl out, going to the gym, starting a new project, repairing your house, etc.) Tackle one item on the list each day for the rest of the week.

So take some time to reflect on this. Put yourself in your ex’s shoes and try to look at your relationship through her eyes. Were you a source of strength and comfort? Did she feel safe and secure with you? Were you independent—with your own goals, passions and interests (apart from her)? Or did you show signs of being needy and clingy?

Were you the “Alpha Male” in her life—a decision-maker and a problem solver? Or were you “wishy-washy,” leaving the decisions up to her out of fear of suggesting something she wouldn’t like?

I’ll take an example from my dating course for men, “Mack Tactics.” In it, I explain the wrong way and right way of asking a woman out on a date.

Way #1: “So maybe if you’re free sometime, we could like, hang out or something…”

Way #2: “I’ve got a busy week but I’ve got some time on Friday night. I know a cool little lounge-bar that I know you’ll love. I can pick you up at 8. Wear something sexy.”

Which one do you think demonstrates a confident, decisive, take-charge “Alpha” attitude? And which one is wishy-washy, vague and weak?

The answer should be clear. Start adopting this attitude. You are the MAN in your relationships. She WANTS to be with a guy who knows what he wants, steps up and makes decisions, and takes her along on a fun, exciting ride.

And most importantly, LIVE YOUR LIFE FIRST.

You were not put on this earth to base your life around pleasing a woman.

“Living your life” means spending time with good friends.

It means pushing past the boundaries of your comfort zone and trying new things, visiting new places, and meeting new people.

It means having a passion in your life and goals that you are striving towards.

And also remember this: as much as you might miss your ex right now, you DO have other options. There was a reason why she fell in love for you. Obviously, you’ve got qualities that many other women would find attractive as well. One of the steps in the Negative Emotion Neutralizer involves socializing with other women—so don’t think for a second that women don’t find you appealing. Your ex found many things about you interesting and attractive—and she had a lot of options, too, but she chose YOU.

Maintain this mindset as you proceed through the next steps of the Negative Emotion Neutralizer method. It’s one of the keys to making this work

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