An Excerpt from “The Alpha Rules” by Dean Cortez & Carlos Xuma
“Be the island, not the waves. The Alpha Man provides a safe haven for the women in his life. Be a protector: demonstrate the ability to be a source of physical and emotional security. Women are attracted to stable, secure men and are repelled by neediness and insecurity. Never lose your cool (the James Bond mindset). Self-control is a hallmark of the Alpha Man. Deflect the traps and games that women will often try to engage you in as a means of “testing” you. Mastering one’s emotions begins with confidence and clarity of purpose.”
Be The Island, Not the Waves
One of the hallmarks of maturity is the ability to understand and control one’s emotions. In fact, in recent years, one’s “E.Q.”—Emotional Quotient (like your I.Q., only it measures your emotional intelligence)—has been recognized as a much more likely predictor of your success in life. In scientific research, they’ve discovered that your ability to manage and direct your emotions is one of the critical determinants of your overall satisfaction with life. This is why most men experience the most financial success and happiness after the age of fifty, because by this point they’ve learned to master their impulses. This leads them to make smarter decisions.
Your brain is made up of three distinct layers: hypothalamus, mammalian limbic system, and the neocortex.
The hypothalamus—or “Reptilian brain”—is the part of you that responds in all the primal, animalistic ways: fight or flight, eating, sexual drive, self-preservation, etc.
The mammalian limbic system is the one that houses your emotional elements, such as love, fear, anger, etc. And the neocortex, the biggest lump of your brain, is in charge of the “higher thinking,” philosophy and rational thought.
It’s this neocortex that is responsible for making the other parts play nice in your skull, and exercising a bit of control over your baser urges. Unfortunately, not many of us have been educated in the fine art of self-control. We learn a lot of higher brain functions, but most of us don’t properly manage the gray areas of our gray matter (emotions, primal urges, and the other nasty stuff). We lack emotional control.
Having this control is essential to being successful in your romantic life, because women will rely on you for it. Most women, by nature, simply do not have it. Other women only acquire emotional control after many years of experience with men—and even then, it’s a bit hazy as to whether they’re ever very successful at it.
You must be the steady shoreline to her turbulent waves of emotion. Most guys make the mistake of getting caught up in a woman’s emotions rather than learning how to “surf” them when she’s stormy, and be the firm resistance against her lesser emotional cycles.
As an Alpha Man, there are two skills you must master in regards to emotional control: being the Surfer, and being the Shoreline.
To be the “Surfer” of a woman’s state, you must recognize that it doesn’t serve you to get caught up in her emotional turbulence. A woman will do her best to pull you into her emotional state, because that’s all she can see. Her emotions blind her to the reality of a stressful or upsetting situation.
We’re not just talking PMS here. She may get extremely agitated over an issue you see as being trivial, and she will do her damndest to get you involved.